A visit to the "reality"

Have you ever look out the window, hoping that all the things in front of you weren't true? Or perhaps hiding in your room, and day-dreaming about the life you really want, but you already know that it's quite impossible? Or even worst, you actually wished your dad to die soon, so all your trouble will vanish with his death?

Mel_recce37s, originally uploaded by lomomilo.

 I do, but not much of the dying part... and I still dream about my dream, whether or not is it going to come true for me.

The reason why I have all this thoughts, is that... I visited my "dad" at Meranti Home yesterday. I didn't go alone. I went with my mom. And if you ask me why I labelled him as "dad", and not just dad.. I just find it hard to call him that as he's never been much of a daddy to me. *deep breath*

F1000023, originally uploaded by lomomilo.

 If you will to ask me about what happened now, I won't be able to finish the whole story in this lil post. So bear with me, and let me spills out my thought slowly?

I'm actually finding it hard to write whatever I'm thinking out on the blog now, as I realized while growing up, I learned how to be stronger. But as I grew stronger, I stopped talking about it as compared to when I'm younger. As I stopped talking about it, I find it difficult to talk about it again. But I know I have to face up to the reality, and I swear I tried ways of facing this reality of mine. (I actually tried to write a short film on him and my thinking, but it's all polluted with thoughts of hatred and just my point of view. But I stopped, as I still couldn't face up to the fact... or let's say, 'cos I didn't want to find out about his point of view.)


Roll1_C003482-R1-03-3, originally uploaded by lomomilo.

And so, I saw him again. (I actually paused for quite a while as I'm trying to figure out my thoughts...) It's a different kind of feeling seeing him this time. It used to be hatred. But now, I feel like I need to release myself from all this hatred as I am tired from hating. I'll be just happy if he stop all his nonsense and stay at the home like he is now. I am seriously happy at the way things are now in the house, and it will be really really great if it stays the same. All I want is a peaceful home. For I cherish what I have now, and not what has happened before.

Living creatures on the wall, originally uploaded by lomomilo.

I still couldn't talk to him yet, but I'm just feeling happy that I don't hate him as much as before.
I thank him, for showing me the reality and cruelness of the world.
I thank him, for making me a much stronger person.
I thank him, for if wasn't for him and my mom, I won't be able to live this world.
And I will thank him, if he stop giving us trouble and stay at where he is supposed to be.


P/s: I was walking pass my mom with a plate of hams and egg, and she shifted her leg almost tripping me even tho I told her I'M WALKING PASS!! OMG!!! And I complaint and she replied, "Why would I want to trip you, if you fall I need to mop the floor lo!" I'm like so you care more about the oil spill from the food rather than ME falling... I'm f*cking disappointed.