I walk the line, Ukulele Cover

I was bored, and hence, recorded another song! Montage is of my niecey when she was less than a year old! *Pinches her cheek*

Happy 25? Or just another 25?

It seems so unreal to me that I am officially 25 years old. It sounds old to me, but I'm sure there's many of you out there thinking that I still have a long way ahead of me. But well, what I'm trying to say here is that, I have a boring life already and I'm only just 25.

I feel weird writing out my thoughts now, as I'm trained for keeping weird thoughts out of people's way, from the moment I starts getting weird reactions from people each time I tried to pollute them with my weird-ish thinking. There could only be two logical possibilities, which is either 1) I do have weird thinking, or 2) They just can't be bothered with what I'm trying to fill them in with, 'cos life is miserable enough for them to absorb any more of my ranting.

The thing is, I think I found out the "secret" of being alive! Is that, there will never be any smooth sailing, and the sea will always be rocky and trying to drown you anytime. And to stay alive, you just have to keep fighting against it. And along the way, when your energy is down, you will start to recruit partner/friends so both of you won't feel as alone or fearful of what's going to hit you in the head. But the tricky thing is, everyone is so different that not every single one can match with one another. So, it's another rocky path (like the one I just trekked a while ago on Mount Batur, in which some might think it's easy 'cos they had overcome even worst path) where you will just have to keep your eyes closedopen to whoever that fills in the position of being your partnerfriend or whatever-so-you-called-it. And in all this 25 years I've been thinking what the hell am I living for? Why do things get fucked up again and again, and why do I have to fix things all the time, when is it even enough? It's always me who have to do all the dirty job. (And I bet people will start telling me that I am not alone at this point) And each time I just have to try to motivate myself, as it seems like there's hardly someone who could understand. So I am my own best friend? Trying to convince or fake myself into believing that things will be alright, and that the sea will be calm after each rocky storms. Am I pathetic or what? Or perhaps I'm just weird or over-reacting every time something just sparkles in the corrupted mind of mine.

I could be entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.

A visit to the "reality"

Have you ever look out the window, hoping that all the things in front of you weren't true? Or perhaps hiding in your room, and day-dreaming about the life you really want, but you already know that it's quite impossible? Or even worst, you actually wished your dad to die soon, so all your trouble will vanish with his death?

Mel_recce37s, originally uploaded by lomomilo.

 I do, but not much of the dying part... and I still dream about my dream, whether or not is it going to come true for me.

The reason why I have all this thoughts, is that... I visited my "dad" at Meranti Home yesterday. I didn't go alone. I went with my mom. And if you ask me why I labelled him as "dad", and not just dad.. I just find it hard to call him that as he's never been much of a daddy to me. *deep breath*

F1000023, originally uploaded by lomomilo.

 If you will to ask me about what happened now, I won't be able to finish the whole story in this lil post. So bear with me, and let me spills out my thought slowly?

I'm actually finding it hard to write whatever I'm thinking out on the blog now, as I realized while growing up, I learned how to be stronger. But as I grew stronger, I stopped talking about it as compared to when I'm younger. As I stopped talking about it, I find it difficult to talk about it again. But I know I have to face up to the reality, and I swear I tried ways of facing this reality of mine. (I actually tried to write a short film on him and my thinking, but it's all polluted with thoughts of hatred and just my point of view. But I stopped, as I still couldn't face up to the fact... or let's say, 'cos I didn't want to find out about his point of view.)


Roll1_C003482-R1-03-3, originally uploaded by lomomilo.

And so, I saw him again. (I actually paused for quite a while as I'm trying to figure out my thoughts...) It's a different kind of feeling seeing him this time. It used to be hatred. But now, I feel like I need to release myself from all this hatred as I am tired from hating. I'll be just happy if he stop all his nonsense and stay at the home like he is now. I am seriously happy at the way things are now in the house, and it will be really really great if it stays the same. All I want is a peaceful home. For I cherish what I have now, and not what has happened before.

Living creatures on the wall, originally uploaded by lomomilo.

I still couldn't talk to him yet, but I'm just feeling happy that I don't hate him as much as before.
I thank him, for showing me the reality and cruelness of the world.
I thank him, for making me a much stronger person.
I thank him, for if wasn't for him and my mom, I won't be able to live this world.
And I will thank him, if he stop giving us trouble and stay at where he is supposed to be.


P/s: I was walking pass my mom with a plate of hams and egg, and she shifted her leg almost tripping me even tho I told her I'M WALKING PASS!! OMG!!! And I complaint and she replied, "Why would I want to trip you, if you fall I need to mop the floor lo!" I'm like so you care more about the oil spill from the food rather than ME falling... I'm f*cking disappointed.

Springclean 2010

springclean 2010, originally uploaded by lomomilo.

Had a war with the dust left over from 2009 in my room, and TADA!!! Lovee my new work desk!  
And also a new dining table for only $120+ per set. Nice enough for a small family! 

New dining table from Ikea!, originally uploaded by lomomilo.

  
But it's still a long way to go before I can totally turn the house into something niceeeeeeeeee :D I love making the house pretty!!

Just... living my life

There's nothing much to blog about recently. Just living the normal life, meet up with two small "group" of friends, had marche twice, watched a movie "The Imaginarium of Doctor Panarssus" and feeling all disappointed after, had a pedicure which cost me a bomb just for the new year that I won't be celebrating, and followed my mom out to buy just her new clothes. 

Why I say "group" is because, they are not really a group. Haha, just one or two peeps from different part of my "friends' list". Anyway, it's nice as finally I have the time to meet up so it's all simple but good.

Anyway, am reading my new book even though my Roald Dahl's isn't done reading. "If you could see me now" by Cecelia Ahern, the author of "PS, I love you". I really like the movie "PS, I love you", so without second thought I bought the book written by the same writer. I mean, how bad can it be if I liked her previous work? I'm only starting to read, and I think it's pretty good. I won't saying what is it about, so just go to the book store and check it out!

And while reading, some of you might be thinking, "Awww, how boring is your life..." But I really must say that I feel much happier right now. I had a chat with a friend about it, and I guess not many others will understand what I exactly meant. I might be earning lesser, 'cos I'm working much lesser too, but I'm happy to have time for me. You know, everyone needs time for themselves! And also time for family, and friends, and perhaps holiday. Just trying to cherish what I currently have, instead of asking for more and not being happy about not having more. It's kind of random so never mind, just wanna say I'm happier now. :D

Employment Fairness Act vs World's Dorkest Mom

I was surfing through the Jobstreet pages, trying to apply for anything that attracts my attention, and also updating my resume online.

As I was doing all that, I recalled this certain company that's focus on employment fairness and told my mom about it so she will know how to protect herself at work. And she started asking me for the company's contact and goes whining about how her colleague kept slacking and not doing her job, and that she's running and taking the drinks order all the time, etc. (she's a runner in a normal coffee shop, usually called the kopi soh or coffee aunty) I almost fainted while hearing this, and I don't know if I should laugh or cry.

mommyfisheye, originally uploaded by lomomilo.

Can anyone else have a mother like mine?